Maths, continued.

He got a 3+ in the test, scoring 81%. In Germany, the scale is from 1 (very good) to 6 (insufficient). 3+ is between 2 and 3 (not quite mathematically correct…) and means a bit more than “satisfactory”.

My husband and I are very glad with the result, especially that indeed all our son did was correct and the gap comes from what he did not manage to do time-wise. We told him we are proud he did so well.

Our son was a bit disappointed because his friend with whom he learnt (my husband coaches him) got a 1-. Well. The difference is, the boy has no FASD and just had some self-esteem problems. The second, key difference is, when last week they both practised, the other boy actually practised. Our son spent much of the time doing nonsense (squeak, protest, wiggle, giggle, drop pens, the usual stuff).

In a way however it is ok that he’s slightly disappointed. It shows he cares. For a long time he did not care.

When Laughter Is Not Appropriate

I wanted to write more about FASD in general today, but decided to change the topic to one that my son himself provided today (unfortunately).

I was reading a chapter from Astrid Lindgren’s “The Brothers Lionheart” to him and there is a scene where a bad soldier tries to force his horse to attempt swimming against the stream in a mountain river. He shouts, he pushes, the horse rejects.

“This is also cruelty against animals”, observed my son, referring to a longer discussion we’d had earlier today, when he asked if I agreed that in circuses animals could be mistreated.

In the morning we had a really good discussion about circus, cruelty, animal rights, why people enjoy bad things, when training animals to do something is ok and when not and so on. So I know my kid has a very good attitude towards animals. Not only in theory by the way, as we have two cats at home and he loves them both beyond everything.

And so I continued to read the book and in the following scene the bad soldier was so angry with the horse that he hit her multiple times on her head.

My child giggled.

I know he did not mean it. I think he tried to stifle the giggle but it did not work. And when I addressed it after a few minutes, he – even though he understood it was not ok to react like that – he giggled again.

I must say if there is one button he can push to get to me, it is this laughter at all inappropriate moments. It gets to me directly and I cannot stand it. Unfortunately it angers me A LOT, even if I know that he does not mean it.

Sometimes I think he does giggle/laugh on purpose, especially when it happens when we correct him about something (like when instead of doing homework he begins to fool around). On many other occasions I sincerely believe it is not what he wants. I know he is compassionate enough that he feels it is not ok to laugh when somebody got hurt  – and yet this is what he does regularly.

I do not know how to make him stop it because frankly speaking, I am not sure why he does it.

I know that such behavior – sometimes – can be caused by nervousness. I have experienced it myself and I guess many others have as well – but only very rarely! In my son’s case this is standard behavior.

So, most probably this is yet another example of some problem in his brain’s wiring and actually it does not matter if this is because of FASD or because of the years in the orphanage or ADHD or whatever else. Something is wired incorrectly.

I am trying to find answers to the “WHY” and some ideas how to help.

As for the “WHY”, I first found information confirming the nervousness/anxiety source.

Laughter is a unique type of human expression that involves complex physiological and emotional processes. It is thought that laughter does several things for us: it can lower stress, reduce pain, improve our blood pressure, help us cope with feelings such as sadness or anger and enhance social interactions. In short, laughing can make us feel better.

With that in mind, what makes a child laugh at inappropriate times? Often it stems from discomfort or anxiety.

(Dr. Stacie Bunning, clinical psychologist, read the whole entry here).

Another interesting information was posted on the Sensory Processing Disorder board. A person (anonymous) said that he/she had attended a Tony Attwood talk and learnt that the wiring in the brain for laughing and crying were close to each other. In people with some brain wiring issues this can get mixed up and that explains why they would laugh in situations which call for crying.

In a way, when I see my child giggling at the very wrong time, I should think that it is actually equal to a normal child crying.

I appreciate the idea and will try to think about it the next time – maybe it will help me a bit to stay calm (as I said, this is really THE button for me).

On the other hand, my son will run into issues in the future if he cannot control this behavior. I notice that he is trying sometimes (stifling the giggle, turning his head away, covering his mouth with his hand, lowering his head etc). I found a wiki page discussing this very topic and providing multiple tips on what to do / what to think of to stop this giggle. I think I will choose one or two and suggest my son to try it. I list some of them below (but I still need to check if my child can cope with any. Especially the last one is for sure very effective but I think I do not want my son to use it).

• Try pinching yourself or causing some other strong physical sensation, such as biting your inner cheek or your tongue (don’t bite too hard!).
• Use reverse psychology on yourself. By telling yourself something like, “This is funny! Laugh some more!”, you end up finding that whatever you were laughing at, is not so funny anymore.
• Count backwards from 10 to 1
• Think of something very sad and depressing or something that causes fear.